hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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