I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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