somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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