I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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