did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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