I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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