Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
