office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
