If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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