I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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