I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
