I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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