Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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