I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
