it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
