we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
