We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just had sex on a roof
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
