the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She told me I should be a condom model.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
