he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
