where am i from again
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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