They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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