I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
