Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
