this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
