What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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