I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
