There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize