it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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