Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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