Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
