My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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