I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
