Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just google imaged poop.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's the barista slut.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
