Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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