im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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