Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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