the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
