i just wanna soil my oats bro
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
