we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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