So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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