Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize