My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
