um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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