the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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