Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
