even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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