i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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