I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I queefed so loud it echoed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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