I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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