And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
