Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
