Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She bit a glass in half.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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