Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
