I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
