the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
