3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
