I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am midnight drunk by noon
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
