I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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