I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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