Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
