you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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